Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
