ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
