we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
