i would punch a child for taco bell
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
