we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So vagazzling was a success
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