you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
