I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
FUCK WHALES
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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