Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
