My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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