did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She even gives head with a lisp.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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