im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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