i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
