it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We are all done wearing pants today
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