I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
