my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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