I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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