Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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