There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
When are your genitals available?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
