I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
