Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
