it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
