I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
