she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
