I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
