That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
