The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
