I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
