Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
