i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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