Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
