She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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