3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
