Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
