i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
