i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
