the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
