i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
