I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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