so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I know her cup size but not her name....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
