Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
