So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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