Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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