I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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