I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
