Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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