Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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