Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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