His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
