you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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