I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
