I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
