She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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